Why you should not profess love after saying it’s all about sex.

[This is not supposed to be funny and hence it isn't.]

Sid and Shef are walking down a road at night discussing love. The discussion was started by Sid who wanted to drive it towards their own relationship thereby expressing his feelings towards her but it becomes a bit too intellectual and…

Shef: So you mean love is just a rationalization?!!
Sid: Yeah I mean…basically…yeah. A rationalization of our urges which when uncontrolled become obsessions. A balanced chemical reaction inside the brain.
Shef: Your viewpoint is so…what’s the word…mundane.
Sid: Yeah, but it is a viewpoint and stand by it. It all boils down to sex.
Shef [shocked now]: Sex? I can’t believe you think that this is the way it is. [Shef is definitely upset].
Sid: Hey, I don’t mean to upset you. It is juts my opinion.
Shef: It is complete bullshit. So when I say I love my father what the hell does that mean wiseass?
Sid [dumbfounded]: Uh.oh! Ummm…I think I..
Shef [enraged further]: Come to think of it, what does it mean when you say you love your father?
Sid [totally confused]: Ummm…No I think that’s the way it is when it si about a boy and a girl.
Shef: Oh yeah! So what about brothers and sisters?

Sid: No I mean boys and girls as in… [Shef cuts in between]
Shef: You are sick! [Sid completes his sentence in slightly lower voice and Shef does not hear it]:…you and me.

Shef: And what when someone says they love their dog?
Sid: Hey…cool…cool…we will talk about this later. Let’s drop this for now.
Shef: I don’t want to discuss this with you at all. You might be smart and all but you are wrong about this.
Sid: Look cool down okay. Sorry if I offended you.Well okay! I guess it is time to go.
Shef [Cold]: Bye.

–

Sid thinks overnight, about Shef and their relation and all. He strolls down to his friend Adi’s room and expresses everything. Adi urges him to talk to her and so next day he goes and meets her in the lecture Hall complex after the class finishes. The faculty members and students are still around.

Sid: Hey! How are you?
Shef [coldly]: Fine.
Sid: Look I wanted to tell you something.
Shef: What?
Sid: I love you.
Shef [shouting furiously]: What!? Meaning you want to have sex with me!!

The crowd of students and faculty members stops and starts looking towards the two. There is pin drop silence as if the lecture hall complex was a cemetery.

Sid looks around, embarrassed and tries to smile as a few friends giggle. Shef realizes that she was a bit too loud. She looks around and then runs away. Sid runs after her.

They never talk again [until I get more stories that is].

Lesson: Never propose her after saying love’s all about sex.

Onion.

Bitchmeter

So Sid and Shef have graduated and they meet after six years at a small reunion meet. Sample conversation:

Shef: So what have you been up to?
Sid: Nothing much. I am a salesman. Fancy becoming one after four years at IIT.
Shef: What do you mean salesman?
Sid: I make and take, bake and sale companies. I am a salesman.
Shef: And how many have you sold salesman?
Sid: Four. I was fired from the fifth one.
Shef: Huh!
Sid: Anyway what have you been doing?
Shef: Oh me! I pursued graduate school. Then came back and joined as faculty here.

Sid: Oh great! See we did tell you that you will do PhD one day. I was wondering how come you look so beautiful. The ‘matki’ syndrome is still around it seems.
Shef: Yeah Yeah whatever!
Sid: So how many people did you fail in your last course?
Shef: Huh! Why would you ask that?
Sid: Just to gauge the bitchiness. Make sure it’s still there.

Tee Hee Hee

Dammit!

Sid (on the verge of leaking…from eyes): Dude! She broke my heart…
Jolly: Bad. Eh? I always thought she was such a case man. You shouldn’t have gotten into her at all.
Sid (certainly troubled with bad plumbing now): Don’t you dare call her a case!

Jolly: What man! She is a merciless biatch!
Sid: Boo Hoo are you right head case! Man, I thought it was going to be fine.
Jolly: Look at the bright side though
Sid: Yeah? And what’s that wise guy?
Jolly: She broke your heart and guess what – You got two hearts now man. What up!
Sid: Argghh!
Jolly: Come to think of it man, two hearts make you the case!
Sid: Dammit! Bio-tech guys!

Oh no!

Dear Diary

It’s 2:15 in the morning and she happens to be online on gtalk with lights blazing green. So I think of buzzing.

“Awake?”
“Fancy a walk?’ et cetera.

I type in ‘awake?’ and then start thinking about it. I think for about a minute about pressing the enter key but something tells me I shouldn’t. So I get back to writing the Proposal for a new idea. Then after a few minutes I again see the green dot. Should I buzz? Ask her for a walk? Tell her what I think? So I type in ‘awake?’ again and am just about to press the enter button when suddenly a friend buzzes me sending some files that I needed. I thank him and curse him and get back to pressing enter. Something tells me I shouldn’t. I press escape instead.

Around 2:30 I think about it again. Three times in last 15 minutes. It’s going the old way again, something I fear. Something I thought would never happen again. I click on the name in the list. I think about brushing my teeth. Had a lot of onions in dinner. And anyway, I brush my teeth at night nowadays (but that should have been done at around 11). I would buzz her after I brush my teeth, I think. It’s foolish I know. At this point she might as well go offline any moment. But as if that forbidding voice inside me took me to the sink in the bathroom, I start brushing. I come back at around 2:40 am. I type in ‘awake?’ and am about to press enter. That voice inside my head grows stronger and so does the urge to talk to her. My battle continues when suddenly…she goes idle!

It’s not good to buzz a girl so late at night when she might have retired to bed already. I think. And I get back to that proposal I was writing.

MORAL: Don’t wait. Just do it if you think you are right. The voices in head are bullshit. It’s the voice of the heart which counts.

Yours,

Sid

PS: Just a minute after this post, she went green again.

Why you should not philosophize in front of her.

Sid and Shef have had a discussion about things and Sid was suggesting something to Shef.

Sid: You should do that. I know it is a selfish philosophy because it’s mine and I am a selfish guy. But then I think it is right. It works for me.

Shef: If you are a selfish guy, why are you telling me all this? What do you care?

Sid: Oh! I am a selfish guy. I am telling this to you because we are one and the same person. You and me are not two different individuals, we are the same person. So when I am telling you this, I am basically telling myself this thing.

Shef: I don’t get it. We are one person?

Sid: It’s like Yin and Yang.

Shef: Wow! We complete each other…

Sid: Okay…wrong analogy, Before you get all emotional, we don’t complete each other. We are each other.

Shef: Huh! If we are the same person…to phir hum pyaar kis se karte hai?

Sid: Eh?

Isliye bandiyon ke saamen zyaada philosophy mat jhaada karo

Snippet-6

He: “So! Got your schol. Congratulations!”
She: “Yeah. I am happy. Finally I see something happening.”
He: “Yes. You deserved it. Great going.”

They walked on for a few minutes without talking when suddenly she dropped the bombshell.

She: “You will be here for one more year”

He looked at her and smiled.

He: “Yeah. It will be odd, without you and all.”
She: “I wanted to say something.”
He: “Sure”
She: “Look you will be here for one more year whereas I am going out.”
He: “Okay. Right. So?”
She: “I don’t want to feel restricted or guilty out there, if you understand what I mean.”
He: “Hmm. So what do you want?”
She: “I want to breakup. Look I am sorry but I…I mean…”

He put his hand on her lips gently and said:

He: “Sure”

Was it the cold wind or were their eyes moist otherwise?

-Onion

Snippet – 5

CHEAP

Shefaali: “Sid, you are a very cheap guy!” [Has a face resembling yours when you see a dog who has just rolled in muck and has come and wagged all dirt over you.]

Sidhharth: “Yeah so you can get me easily.” [Definitely flirting.]

FREE

Shefaali: “Sid, you are a very cheap guy!” [Has a face resembling yours when you see a dog who has just rolled in muck and has come and wagged all dirt over you.]

Sidhharth: “No actually I am free.” [sticks out his tongue at Shefaali]

Dreams

Chase your own dreams… 

Your dreams are the only thing that you shall ever truly own. You are a unique person and your goals and dreams must be your own. So chase your own dreams and not the dreams of other people. Don’t just do a thing because all the other bozos are doing it. Have your own reasons.

…and break them

Break your dreams. Now what does that mean? There are two ways to break a dream: Number One – surrender it to reality and Two – make it a reality. Go for the second option, make them reality. Walt Disney once said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”  So dream it and do it.

–

 

Snippet

With mother 

 “Fuck, I missed ten again,” said Sidhharth.

“Mind your language Sidhhu,” remarked his mom.

“Sorry Ma, but do you see what I mean?” asked Sidhharth.

 

­

With girlfriend

 

“Fuck,” said Sidhharth.

“Mind your language Sid,” remarked Shefali.

“Sorry Shef, but do you see what I mean?” said Sidhharth

–

Previous

Autumn breeze

I was on my way to find a way, when I thought to have my say.

I scatter words as my vision sees, as leaves scattered by the autumn breeze

Snippets

-Why do you want to meet her?-

 

Rohan: Why do you want to meet her?

Me: Why do I want to meet Kanika or Anshul?

Rohan: Kanika is your sister and Anshul is your friend while she is neither your sister, nor a friend.

Me: Hmm…I suppose that’s the thing.  I don’t know who she is. May be I want to know that. That’s why I want to meet her.

 

-Big, bad world.-

Me: The world is a bad place. Isn’t it Rohan?

My tone had a clear tone of sarcasm but Rohan missed it.

Rohan: Yeah. The world is a big bad place.

Me: And you think that every morning when you wake up.

This time I couldn’t help the smirk on my face but Rohan was looking elsewhere. What he said had a deep impact on me.

Rohan: Every morning when I wake up I think that I have many problems…but I am not troubled by them.