Adchan

And on popular demand, the song is here in the fresh new voice of a young talent: ME! Go get your ear plugs and keep the 911 call handy because after listening to this even dead guys will wake up and say: No more!

Just click on the link below.

Adchan

Lyrics:

Subah shaam Dil mera thare geet gave hai,
Har din yeh thare se milne chahe hai,
Milne ko to mil loo me aake ek baar
Par mari gaadi ka indicator baar baar
Petrol kam bataye hai

Socha milne ko railgaadi se jaaye,
Ticket khidki se tikat katvaaye
Chadhne ko to chadh loo WT mere yaar
Par jab bhi pahuchu tesan bar bar
Gaadi chhoot jaye hai

Subah shaam teri ghani yaad aave hai,
Har din mujhko yaadein yoon sataye hai
Karne ko to kar loo me thane ek call,
Par Customer care ki baa chhori baar baar
Balance low bataye hai.

Thak haar kar kabootar le aaye
Socha ud kar sandesa de aaye
Likhne ko to likh doo me chithiya hazaar,
Par muaa kabootar baar baar
Bin chiththi ud jaaye hai

Rail, car, phone sab peechhe chhod aaye
Socha khwabo me hi tumse mila jaaye
Karne ko to kar loo mein tumse izhaar
Har raat neend me yoon aa kar baar baar
Sapna toot jaaye hai

[The third stanza was a SMS sent to my friend Ashish Agrawal by his friend from IITR: Manish. Rest is what I added to make it a complete song. Add more stanzas!]

Electric Overdose

I was in a dream till now,
And woke up with jolt,
Due to her several thousand volt.
Saw her at the joint,
She took me to the point,
Where I almost,
Died,
Of an electric overdose.

She stared at me,
It was there I swear,
Smile of a lipless robot.
Metallic heart, metallic thought.
And with the passion of a sun-hot furnace
My spirits rose,
Sparked,
Off an electric overdose.

And now she’s gone,
And every moment I stay rooted,
As if I am electrocuted.
I wake up with a jolt,
Due to her several thousand volt.
Tell me have you ever had,
a case this bad,
Of an electric overdose?

–
Halfway through writing this poem, I realized that it describes my encounter with a girl I know. Sometimes subconsciously the thoughts come out as words – pouring in on the canvas due to an electric overdose

Life for hire

Hullo!
Are you broken pieces rife?
Let’s go and get a life,
for you.

Put the pieces all together
And if you can’t gather
all of ‘em,
Don’t worry they’re all the same.
Left overs of a past life,
Last night’s food on fork and knife.

Wash your sins, purge ‘em all
And then make this little call.
’tis false but is still relief,
Welcome to emporium of belief.
We know your heaven’s on fire,
We will get you a life for hire.

Go ahead make your choice
No discounts, fixed price,
You can rent her fresh and cheap.
At the emporium of belief.
Take in person, no wire
Just a life, for hire.

So!
Are you broken pieces rife?

Ugly Teddy

So my friend Prabha buzzes for some Keygens and during the download I say, “Gimme some topic for instant poetry.” And out of no where she reels off: “Write me something about an ugly teddy bear with a gun.” Hence this song (Yeah I already have a tune for it now. Cool ha?):

I make full moons into crescent sun
Am an ugly teddy bear with big bad gun
Love’s not a child’s play
That’s all I can say
Babe am not a plaything
door’s over there, it’s time to bing
Be on the run babe be on the run,
‘Coz Am an ugly teddy bear with a big bad gun

Big bad gun x5 (fading with each repetition)

Bang!
Onion

SPAMayhem

I was checking my GMail when my eyes went to the number of spam mails I had: 1093! GMail deletes any spam mails if they have been in the spam-box for over thirty days. So these mails were those received less than thirty days ago. Anyway, I decided to read some of the mails and here’s the scoop. Out of the 150 mails I went through (I didn’t have the heart to go on after that), about 70% wanted to increase my potency, rectify my woes in bed, make me last longer there, enlarge where it matters, make my ‘da da’ thicker without pumps and jumps or impress my non-existent girlfriend with tree-trunk for a penis. This other guy was selling viagara for free. Can you even call it selling then? And what if these things really work? I mean, for the sake of all the tailors in the world, what the bloody hell would happen if someone gulps down all the stuff in one go! I can only wonder!I can only hope that chaachi brings in some experience when he talks back from the Sin City

So ‘long’

Onion

A few samples:

1.

SENDER: Justin Evans
SUB: No Pumps! No surgery! No exercises!

Be the stud in 2008, and achieve all your dreams of super size!
Increase both your thickness and length within a few short weeks – women simply love it when you have a large manhood.
http://backfeel.com/

What does he mean ‘your thickness.’ With a 42 waistline I am thick enough I didn’t know being fat was a turn on for women. Cool!

–

2.

SENDER: Gina
SUB:It’s Gina

Hi
It`s gina again. Will you ever contact me?
I made those nude pictures especially for you and I wont write to you again!
If you wanna see them just drop me a line at: gina49@hugdr.info

This chick took all her photoshop lessons just so that she could do nudes for dudes! Why go through trouble of asking. Just send them already. BItch!

–

3.

SENDER: Lon Sanford

SUB: Last Longer in bed

“Ever since I started on your herbal supplement, Sharon says sex is so much more pleasurable for her, and she comes much more easily”. David, Florida, USA
Size DOES matter, and unfortunately, many traditional methods to increase size simply DON’T work, and are very inconvenient.
http://litestem.com/

I last long in bed anyway. At home I last no less than 12 hours. They have to beat me up with sticks to wake me up. So there!

–

4.

SENDER: Pam M. Britt

SUB: Do you want to enlarge you da da?!

Dear a.r.vijayabaskar@gmail.com (It’s not even my email address!)
http://geapkeel.com
Do you want enlarge your da da upto 4 inches?
Amazing, PERMANENT RESULTS that will last.

? Gain 3+ Inches In Length.
? Increase Your P3nls Width (Girth) By up\to 20%.
http://geapkeel.com

Thanks
Jennifer Anniston

Da da? What the fuck is da da?

–

What you shouldn’t do while tuning a guitar!

1. Don’t pick your nose.
2. And definitely do NOT think about her.

The G string (:P) of my guitar broke/snapped as a result of over tightening. I don’t have a spare nor do I have money to go buy one. So basically I am one music-less guy right now. Anyway, here’s my toast to the fingers’ itch. May you live on forever. And to ‘G‘, rest in peace.
Amen.

Mischances

Slept halfway through the story,
Where’ve you been?
Mind filling me in?

Left home long ago,
A bag in my hand,
I drift akin to sand.

Her picture in my wallet,
I look and sigh,
No kisses, No goodbye,

Guitar has lost the music,
Lost Plectrum, broken strings,
the silence stings.

Blowing my veins,
Syringes of false pretenses,
missed chances, mischances

Slept halfway through the story,
Where’ve you been?
Mind filling me in?

The tea song!

And finally here it is my tea lovers:

Junkies of a brew sublime,
Any place and any time.
Stir it up with big smile,
It’s kept me up all this while.

Gimme my mug of ol’ sunshine,
Rest of the day will just be fine.
You know just how it should be,
You know it’s not just the tea.

Wah Taaj!

PS: First line is from the girl who drew it all – Prabha or should I say brew it all? Kribbit…kribbit kribbit grr grr

Be here now

Paper napkins need a rest,
Don’t worry you did your best.
Look outside, it’s bright,
time to set it all right.
You’ve been sad till now,
Open up to ongoing wow!

Be here now X3

Skip a step or two,
Take that leap for you.
No cure for broken heart,
But life’s a bit too short.
You’ve been afraid till now,
Open up to ongoing wow!

Be here now X3

Old albums and souvenirs,
six-string, ash-tray and beers.
Don’t worry this time won’t last,
Forget, forgive forsake the past.
You’ve been asking till now,
The ongoing wow…
…is here right now!

Be here now X6

Adieu adieu Radley Boo
(Thanks Saumya)

Abigail

Walking with the shadows again,
I wish it were dark and rain,
All alone, no one to fail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.

I know we won’t have this chance,
Don’t turn around to see me once,
Last goodbye, before the ships sail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.

Handmade paper, stamp and glue,
And although I’m that inky blue.
Forget me, don’t send me mail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.

Aami tomake bhalo bashi!

Naumoshkaar,

Yes!!! I am learning to speak Bengali. My mentor his holiness shri shri 1008 Manjish Pal, my wingmate and friend was certain that some Bengali chick was the cause behind this. I had to convince him that I was no chick magnet (I am not) and one week letter I am now eating pantua instead of Gulab Jamun, Korai shooti instead of Peas, and shaving Gonp off my face instead of moustache.

Learning a new language is a beautiful experience. You tend to find similarities and differences and they tend to stick with you. In Bengali, they have this weird type of pronunciation for ‘au’ sound. It sounds so sweet, just like raushaugulla

Any way, I am now past common colors, food items, numbers, greetings et cetera. Hopefully Shri Shri Manjish Prabhu will now take me on advance discourses in aamar tomar bongla. Who knows, I might end up with a bengali chick after all

Till then,
Onion

Fooling the radar

Mama I raised the bar,
I fooled the ray-yay-daa-are.
Couldn’t find that somebody called me,
Am a lost boat in the vast blue sea.

She asked: “Are you anywhere?”
“Yeah babe I am almost there.”
Sniffed life to come this far,
Mama I fooled the radar.

Fast chorus:

Hey hey Mary Jane I blew my vein
I walked in the sky, fucking insane,
You get me high every time you sigh,
I know it’s late, can’t say goodbye.

Normal:
Am searching me in the but,
I have a feeling in my gut.
Saw me ‘morrow, will again yesterday
Just need to buy some belief at the ‘bay.’

She said: “Not any more”
I was sunk on the shore.
They say she leaves a scar,
Not on me, I fooled the radar.

April fool!

Finally I have something to write and mind you this is a real incident.

So on April 1, 2008 at around 3:11 am I receive a call from some number. I won’t give it away here for reasons given later but suffice to say that it had a 9936 prefix. So this call is from a girl who is distressed and she says, ” Aap kyun mujhe pareshaan kar rahe hai baar baar message aur phone karke. Me aapse baat nahi karna chahti. Mere bhaiya ko pata lag gaya to mera to jo hona hai hoga par aap ko bhi…aapko bhi kuchh ho jayega (and some more stuff I don’t remember).”

While this girl is speaking this I am thinkin – Finally some bandi called me. I am trying to talk to her but she continues speaking (for reasons I came to know later) without listening to me. So while she is speaking the aforementioned statement:

Me: Madam kaun ho ap. Raat me 3 baje koi aur mila nahi aapko (But she continues) Kaun ho yaar…pehle pareshaan karne to do fir bhai se baat karvaana.

Her brother approaches now. I can hear his voice on the cell. He is saying something like: “Kaun hai?”

She: Bhaiya yeh lo aap baat karo

Biraadar: Kaun hai be tu. Kyun pareshaan kar raha hai. Teri…tera number to mil hi gaya hai mujhe.

Me: Achha tareeka hai raat me 3 baje April fool banane ka.

Biraadar (ignores the April fool comment for reasons I came to know later): Abe tera number mil gaya hai mujhe. Naam kya hai tera?

Me: Naam jaan ke kya karoge. Behen ke shaadi ke card pe chhapega tab padh lena.

Biraadar: Naam to tera nikalva hi loonga me ab.
Me: Theek hai nikalva lena.

And the line goes dead. I am sitting on my chair thinking whether I should laugh on this or be worried. Then I think…maa chudaaye…April 1 hai and somebody tried to get the better of me. But I am still worried now as I write this. If I am found wounded or dead a few days from now then this might be the Biraadar cracking down on me and I don’t know what to do about this. I am not disclosing the number here because I don’t want that girl in trouble.

Cya if I live through this,
Onion

–

476488

Italicized version can be considered my simple attempt at April fool.  Beware of such callers though. The one that I received was a prerecorded clip and hence there was no reaction to what I was speaking to them. But you can get a call from real pranksters. Don’t lose it…give the pranksters some space Enjoy the April Fools’ Day.

So long,
Onion

Emporium of belief

Search for pearls stuck at reef
Mounted on that desert seif
Plastic lives salable belief
Welcome to emporium of belief.

Alone she labors on my fief,
yet that tree bears no leaf.
Time knocked a time or two,
Was busy with my patch of rue.

Those tears have long dried,
long time since smiles cried.
They settled for solar beads,
Aftermath of sown seeds.

No sleep for plastic eyes,
Weary of long good byes,
Happy with dream worth of kief,
bought at that emporium of belief…

…we sell false relief.
Plastic dreams in plastic sheaf,
Welcome…to emporium of belief.

Burrr…dip dip

Hoo hooba,
I have a friend who is affectionately (and otherwise) called Satti. I have another friend who is affectionately (and affectionately) called Chaachi. Both are boys (no surprises) and are good friends with each other ( a bit too good I would say). So I was chatting with Chaachi about a song which I shall post next on this blog and somehow the discussion turned towards (no surprises again) girls. Chaachi ended up saying: “I wish Satti was a girl. ” So I thought what would happen if suddenly we discovered that Satti was actually…a girl. And the reactions from different people around me would be something like:

Chaachi: Wow satti is a girl. I loved him…now…I love her.
Me[male chauvinistic pig]: Shit! Satti is a girl. I loved him…now…I hate her.
Satti [Usual expressionless drone]: Hmmm

She[his idunnowhat]: I always knew…isliye we were together in the first place.
Yaser[his roommate]: Doesn’t matter. We were into each other anyway, if you get what I mean. Punk rock rocks dood. Smack that bitch!
Satti [Usual expressionless drone]: Hmmm

The Gautam [to Satti]: Shit Man! You are a woman! Fuck hi ho gayi yeh to…
John [to Satti]: Oh Man! You are a woman! Fuck ho gayi.
Satti [Usual expressionless drone]: Hmmm

DOSA [to Satti]: …setup a committee…don’t worry…stay in Hall 1…worry… Girls’ Hostel not safe for you…don’t worry…

Gymkhana President [to Satti]: …setup a committee…don’t worry…stay in Hall 1…worry… Girls’ Hostel not safe for you…don’t worry…let’s meet and talk…come to my office tonight…

Satti [Usual expressionless drone]: Hmmm

Gymkhana President [to Himself]: Will he come? Will she come? Undone? Am I good?

Gymkhana President[to Convener]: Am I good?

Gymkhana President[to the Press]: I Am good!

Satti [Usual expressionless drone]: Hmmm

…et cetera. Suggest some more and append them in comments.

Yours Truly,
Onion

Bachaoo…

For a long time now, my ambience has been infected by girls of a particular name:Neha. I have seen several Nehas and am fed up now because of one reason or the other. come on girls you can have other names. Anyway there is a friend of mine:Nikhil. This guy fell for a girl [who else] Neha. And whenever he talks to me, he keeps Nehifying me because he knows how much I ‘love‘ Nehas [:(]. For example if he wants to say: Sahi hai yaar, he would say: sEhi hai yaar. Or: Nahi hai yaar will get replaced by nEhi hai yaar. And similarly several other nehified phrases. This happens almost every time we chat. However THE blow came today and the chat has been put up below with minor modifications:

Nikhil: Mere bhai ki shadi ho rEhi hai
Me: Arey sahi. [Fearing impending doom] Please…please…bhabhi ka naam Neha nahi hai. Please yeh bol de.
Nikhil: [:)]
Me [dying?]: Kya? Oh no!
Nikhil: [:P]
Me: Teri…[abusive language]
Nikhil [with sadistic pleasure]: hahahahhaa
Me[Pleading]: Unhe bol naam change kare.
Nikhil: hahahahahha
Me: Abe ravan ke baap.
Nikhil[really now, like Ravan]: hahahhahaha
Me[fearing the worst]: Kya naam hai bhaabhi ka sahi bata.
Nikhil: sEhi me be…Neha
Me: boo hoo hoo
Nikhil: Second name is Kothari.
Me [I hadn't given attention to second name thing]: Kab peechha chhootega mera Neha-o se
Nikhil: Neha Kothari
Me[ Nearing a heart attack]: Kya??!! Kya ?? Arey [abusive language]…

God can be cruel [:P]…
Yours truly.

A cool new header and some not-so-cool status messages

Hoo hooba,
I have an exam at 5 pm but couldn’t help blogging. somehow mind gets working on other things only during exams. So here my friends, just on top of this page is my cool new header. And since I know I will change the damn header some time from now, I am putting up the image in this post also.

And now some GTalk status messages.

1. I am ‘nuts.’ I screw ’stuff.’ (Applies to Mechies all over the universe)
2. Never enter in a pissing contest with a skunk.
3. Me Life kaat raha hoon ya life mujhe kaat rahi hia?
4. Bhains ki taang!

Yeah I know, but sometimes it’s necessary to keep things running no matter what. I am done dying now. It’s time for life and now I will certainly post something regularly.

Tona

Me blue – 2

I’m Frozen in my dreams,

and no hope gleams.

I wake up to find me asleep,

my wounds run deep, far too deep.

-Tona

Blue mood

Neither silver nor gray,

I dunno what to say.

Me blue, me blue;

patches of rue, through and through.

Yours truly

Rock n roll, everything’s fine

Rock ‘n’ roll, everything’s fine

Tonite there’s sure cure for finger’s itch.
woulda take the six string for music stitch.
Tonite there’s gonna be some bread and wine,
rock n roll everything’s fine, Oh yeah, everything’s fine.

Get that reefer and kick the gong,
simulate action and sing that song.
Babe give it the whole yard nine,
rock n roll, everything’s fine, Oh yeah everything’s fine

Tonite I’ll take ya to fever pitch,
woulda rock n roll ya oh my Bitch.
Tonite you are gonna be mine,
rock n roll everything’s fine, Oh yeah everything’s fine.

After while, crocodile!