First day of placements at IITK and this guy had volunteered for coordinating the interviews of Deutsche Bank along with my good friend Rahul ‘Gangu Teli’ Sharma. He was to go to the Student Placement Office along with Gangu teli after the process was over and was waiting for Gangu to end his oh-so-sweet discussion with the very cute interviewer of one of the four Panels while sitting on the bike in front of the Tutorial Block of IIT Kanpur’s Academic Area when a boy and a girl came out of the Tutorial Block. While he was waiting, he listened to what they were talking about and at one time the conversation caught his ears. So:
Girl: [...] us se baat hui thi meri.
Boy: Kaunse Hall ka hai?
Girl: Seedha-saadha hi hai. Hall 2 ka to nahi hi hoga.
Boy: Hall 5 yaa 3?
So she said about Hall 2 and he heard it and before they could say anything…
He [angrily]: Waah! Seedha saadha hai to Hall 2 ka to nahi hi hoga.
Both of them look at him with utter bewilderment. They were obviously oblivious of his existence until then. The girl opened her mouth to say something and during the next two minutes her mouth remained that lopsided gaping hole.
He [exploding now]: Ajeeb Gadhi ho! Hall 2 me kya trademark mawaali aate hai? Seedha saadha nahi hai to Hall 2 ka to nahi hi hoga. Matlab Hall 2 ke to sabhi aise ho hote honge – gunde ekdum. Saare ke saare paidaishi aawaara hote honge…imarati ki tarah convoluted. Clearly Hall 2 ke ek ek bande ko jaanti ho tum. Sabse baat ki hai tumne aur sab tumko aise hi lage. Seedha to koi tha hi nahi. Maarne daude honge sab tumko dekhte hi saath ( read Ball…ad!!) aur tum samajh gayi ki sab ke sab gunde hai. Ya shayad tumhaara matlab yeh hai ki sab chatur chalaak hai. Kyun?
Now he waits for them to react. He waits for about half a minute during which time they are still trying to digest that the above happened. The boy was actually tying to smile but his face looked a lop sided meat ball. The girl closed and opened her mouth a fair few times to utter a word but the effort went useless. And so since they were too shocked to demonstrate that they were’t dumb, he started again:
He [It's fucking Hiroshima Nagasaki going on in front of Tutorial Block right now] : Bahut hi easily generalize kar diya tumne to. Ab tumhi se rai li jayegi. Trait recognition software hai tumhaare dimaag me. [In mock girl voice now...] Yeh ladka seedha saadha nahi – Hall 2 ka hoga. Yeh seedha hai, bhola hai…Hall 2 ka to nahi hoga. [And normal again...]Waah! waah…sahi hai.
And then he looks at them, challenging them to say something. They stand there, scared shitless, air knocked out of them, rooted in the street looking at that Nuke-bomb of a Hall 2 guy with absolutely no sense of the surroundings and no sense of what to speak next. And just then Gangu calls the guy. He looks at them, kicks the bike and it raves:
rrrr…rrrr…rrrr….rrrrrr… | Gear one rrrr…rrrr…rrrrr…| Gangu sits | Bike moves forward as he loosens the clutch|
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….Gear 2/3/4 and the guy is wind on rampage.
Happy biking.
