Kaandaa Kahin – 1

This came out in a chat yesterday.

Leftovers of a past life are better left over.

I love myself

Sigaret

Fir dhoop ki chhav hai.
Mera paraya chehra,
Aankho ke kaale ghere,
Mere chalte andhere.

Saanjh dhali fir yuhin,
Chhod gaye mujhe,
Purab mein lambe ho hokar,
Khud me mil kar, kho kar.

Ab raat aayi hai,
Tanhai si kandho pe hai,
Kash bhar zindagi ki bhent,
Bas ek aakhri sigaret.

Sigaret

Fir dhoop ki chhav hai.
Mera paraya chehra,
Aankho ke kaale ghere,
Mere chalte andhere.

Saanjh dhali fir yuhin,
Chhod gaye mujhe,
Purab mein lambe ho hokar,
Khud me mil kar, kho kar.

Ab raat aayi hai,
Tanhai si kandho pe hai,
Kash bhar zindagi ki bhent,
Bas ek aakhri sigaret.

‘Frust’ Aid!

Photo Credit: Self
Loc:En route Joshi Math, Uttaranchal

What you shouldn’t do while tuning a guitar!

1. Don’t pick your nose.
2. And definitely do NOT think about her.

The G string (:P) of my guitar broke/snapped as a result of over tightening. I don’t have a spare nor do I have money to go buy one. So basically I am one music-less guy right now. Anyway, here’s my toast to the fingers’ itch. May you live on forever. And to ‘G‘, rest in peace.
Amen.

Mischances

Slept halfway through the story,
Where’ve you been?
Mind filling me in?

Left home long ago,
A bag in my hand,
I drift akin to sand.

Her picture in my wallet,
I look and sigh,
No kisses, No goodbye,

Guitar has lost the music,
Lost Plectrum, broken strings,
the silence stings.

Blowing my veins,
Syringes of false pretenses,
missed chances, mischances

Slept halfway through the story,
Where’ve you been?
Mind filling me in?

Jawaab

Aab hai aankhen meri aur miri aankhen aab nahin,
Aalam-e-aab hai huzoor pyaale me mere aab nahin.

Yoon barqzada ho kar na dekh aalam-taab ko,
Sarapa tu hi hai wahaan tere hone ka saraab nahin

Fir bik gaya beabroo hokar sare-bazaar,
Goya ki mujhe koi sharm-o-haya koi hijaab nahin.

Nahi aaya qasid tera khat lekar aaj bhi,
Aur ab haal-e-jaana ko dil bhi mera betaab nahin.

Roonuma hokar roo-ba-roo ho rahe ho humse ‘ghafil’
Aur kahte ho ki is sawaal ka koi jawaab nahin?

–

Maayne:

Aalam-e-aab: A place with lot of water; condition of being drunk
Barqzada: Struck by lightening
Aalam-Tab: One who lightens the whole world
Sarapa: From toe to head; completely
Qasid: Postman
Roonuma: One who shows the face

“Aankhen aab hona” can have two meanings – sparkling eyes/crying eyes

Aapni prochondo mahan Debi!

Statutory Warning: This post is a WOOF!

There are those days when your friend feels off and you try to cheer him or her up. So you would say kind words, reassure them that they will succeed, tell them how you believe in them and that they are your best friend. And when everything fails you might suggest a small outing. It so happened that my friend and bangla mentor Manjish was having a rough day. So I tried to cheer him up and as a final resort we decided to go to Rave Moti and fool around. And fool around we did:

After roaming around here and there in the big mall we finally set down to eat. The eatery at Rave Moti has several shops with a huge floor space meant only for sitting down on chairs and filling up your belly. Several people were eating there. We sat down and started filling up when behind Manjish I saw this smoking hot babe eating noodles. I pointed out to Manjish.

“Where?”
“Behind you, you processor ass!”

This girl was sitting, as it would happen, with sadde Sardarji. Why is it that surds end up with all the hot girls? Anyway, since I am learning bangla these days I asked Manjish to teach me to say:

You are looking very beautiful.

“It’s harmless dude. Tell me how do I say that in bangla.”
“But why now?”
“Look I know I am not going to that girl and saying this in any language comprehensible to her in front of sadde daarji. One wrong step and I die in hell.”
“Buy why do you need to tell her?”
“Beauty should be appreciated.”
“Dude, I am in no mood of getting killed today.”
“Don’t worry. I can pull this off in bangla. They won’t know a thing. They will think I am this lunatic mumbling stuff out loud.”
“Man, I will tell you the translation but promise me you won’t make a step till I am at a safe distance.”
“Okay.”

So armed with this new knowledge I make my move. I move past the girl and speak out loud:

“Tumi khoob bhalo lagcho.“

I take a few steps forward, smiling in triumph when:

“Kee?”

What the hell? I turn around and find myself face to face with the girl.

“Uh-oh. “
“Ki bolchen? Kake bolchen? Kaino bolchen? Aapni ke? “

The Chick turned out to be bengali! What were the odds of those? And what she said translates to:

What are you saying? Who are you talking to? Why are you talking? Who the hell are you?

There are times when you want to vanish in thin air, or want the lightening to strike you so that it all ends. It was one of those times. But it seems that I am made for such moments. Because as I explained the entire thing to her, I couldn’t help but notice her to be smiling slightly. Meanwhile pappeji who hailed from the Just friend lounge couldn’t make out what just happened.

“Hey I meant well. Was just a joke. No, I mean you ARE beautiful but this was a joke.”
“It’s fine. We are cool.”
“He he he. Fine. So how about we eat ice creams?”
“Don’t push it smart ass.”

Bullet exit! EOF

PS: Another… hic… fictini here dude! Hicc… Thanks!

Kangaali :(

It’s been over two weeks now. I am broke! Complete muflisi mein ji rahe hai hum ‘ghafil.‘ I do not have a penny in my wallet. All I have is some old bill from the time I was in office along with some photos. My bank account has 36 bucks. They have always been there, since time immemorial and what not. If only ATMs could dispense fivers. With a net worth of less than $1, not accounting for the trash in my room, what am I supposed to do?

I wasn’t so broke till yesterday. I had two bucks in my wallet when my friend Tushar Kant knocked on the door and asked for my prized possession for getting his chappals repaired. I gave him the coins with heavy heart, not to mention my own chappals too. I am still hoping he will pay up.

When I went to canteen today I was told that the accounts are closing from June 19, 2008 onwards, which is, today. So I bought supplies for the next two weeks. God save the great Hall 1 canteen wallah without whom I would have been on the streets months earlier. But now that option is also gone. The only option left now is to go into the vasooli mode and ask the udharilaals to pay up my bucks and seeing that one of them is some 120 kilos vasooli is not so easy. But the kind of poverty that is usually associated with the members of the graduating batch and their friends, a heist is not completely out of the question. And given that I have the experience of almost all the George Clooney movies almost all of which are about some heist or treasure hunt, I think I will be able to pull it off. Otherwise there’s only one option left now -

Bhagwan ke naam pe

Hoo Hooba,
Rum Chum

PS: Tushar did return the chap-pal!

Missed calls

\begin{hopeless}

Every time I get a missed call from a number which is not on my contact list (so basically it really is a number and not a name on the phone), I log on to Information Madness to check where it came from. I so wish it were from there.

But the thing is that it shows only the state of the caller when it’s a cell number. And only the city when we have a land line calling the cell.

The sad part is, the only way to find out is to call them back or to attend the call the next time and that is when the illusion ends. That is when it strikes me that I have to outgrow the pipe dreams and move on.

I don’t want to move on. I pretend to move on when I am only walking in circles. I don’t think I want the illusion to end. May be that’s the reason I don’t attend calls from unknown numbers. May be I want the dream to go on. Don’t you?

\end

\begin {Addendum}

I now plan to have a sweetheart in every state of the country so that I can miss all the calls I receive
You tend to get such ideas after chatting with peelu!

\end

Skateboard Chronicles – 1

There was a boy who weighed 91 kilo. Enter JEE results and he went to IITK. He was told this : “You walk in as a boy, you walk out as a man.” But for him the story turned out to be different. He walked in as an elephant and is now a chopstick. For him it was the Weight of 69 ( 71 actually ).

Now this boy thought of getting cool. Cool as in kept-in-Kelvinator-the-coolest-one Kewl. So he got a skateboard on his 19th birthday. He brought it to the campus with him and one fine morning he decided to try the skateboard. The skateboard was taken to the temple at MT. The pundit put holy symbols and water on skateboard and the boy’s forehead. Nariyal badhara gaya. And with the usual Rs. 5 daan the ritual ended. The boy took the skateboard to the road beside the airstrip and went on his skating spree.

For about an hour he tried and tried but the skateboard refused to move. It was so unmoving that for once I wanted to name this post : The little skateboard that wouldn’t. Then somehow a new way striked the boy’s mind. He restarted the attempt and for about a split second the strategy seemed to work. The board moved and so did the boy but it was only that the board moved sans the boy who instead fell down and rolled on the road; better than the board. Our kewl dude stood up with strained wrist and bruised palm. But the dude had the solution. He took out iodex spray from the side pocket, applied it and started again. What determination!!

The boy took a breather, had some pushups and jumps and retrieved the board from the grassy vicinity where some sonovabitch snake was trying to use it. The second attempt began and…ended almost at the same time. The skateboard remained where it was and the boy was thrown backward. The rest as they say is history and I will take the troubles to tell you about that later.

silly rhymes,

sk8erboy

PS: This one first appeared here.

The tea song!

And finally here it is my tea lovers:

Junkies of a brew sublime,
Any place and any time.
Stir it up with big smile,
It’s kept me up all this while.

Gimme my mug of ol’ sunshine,
Rest of the day will just be fine.
You know just how it should be,
You know it’s not just the tea.

Wah Taaj!

PS: First line is from the girl who drew it all – Prabha or should I say brew it all? Kribbit…kribbit kribbit grr grr

Dammit!

Sid (on the verge of leaking…from eyes): Dude! She broke my heart…
Jolly: Bad. Eh? I always thought she was such a case man. You shouldn’t have gotten into her at all.
Sid (certainly troubled with bad plumbing now): Don’t you dare call her a case!

Jolly: What man! She is a merciless biatch!
Sid: Boo Hoo are you right head case! Man, I thought it was going to be fine.
Jolly: Look at the bright side though
Sid: Yeah? And what’s that wise guy?
Jolly: She broke your heart and guess what – You got two hearts now man. What up!
Sid: Argghh!
Jolly: Come to think of it man, two hearts make you the case!
Sid: Dammit! Bio-tech guys!

Be here now

Paper napkins need a rest,
Don’t worry you did your best.
Look outside, it’s bright,
time to set it all right.
You’ve been sad till now,
Open up to ongoing wow!

Be here now X3

Skip a step or two,
Take that leap for you.
No cure for broken heart,
But life’s a bit too short.
You’ve been afraid till now,
Open up to ongoing wow!

Be here now X3

Old albums and souvenirs,
six-string, ash-tray and beers.
Don’t worry this time won’t last,
Forget, forgive forsake the past.
You’ve been asking till now,
The ongoing wow…
…is here right now!

Be here now X6

Adieu adieu Radley Boo
(Thanks Saumya)

Abigail

Walking with the shadows again,
I wish it were dark and rain,
All alone, no one to fail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.

I know we won’t have this chance,
Don’t turn around to see me once,
Last goodbye, before the ships sail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.

Handmade paper, stamp and glue,
And although I’m that inky blue.
Forget me, don’t send me mail,
Goodbye Goodbye Abigail.